Invite CalmInto Your Life

After my long hiatus, it’s time to begin writing again. Some months ago, I was gifted the beautiful book, Whatever You Are, Be a Good One -100 inspirational quotes hand-lettered by Lisa Congdon. Always searching out prompts for my writing, I’m anticipating that some quotes included in the book will provide me with inspiration to begin. The above quote is one of them. Though not a club, the thoughts and beautiful art therein will for certain be a creative stimulus.

 Perhaps an explanation is in order after this long gap in publishing my blogs. For months I have been busy assembling and editing past blogs into my book, Breath is the Answer-Invite Calm into Your Life. In journal format, my book offers daily readings encouraging readers to invite more breath-space and calm into their lives. Along with a prompt each page includes room to write thoughts about the events of the day as well as express the effect inserting more pauses and breathing has on the day’s outcome. I hope that at the end of a year this practice of pausing and breathing will become a reliable coping tool. The book is available at https://www.amazon.com/Breath-Answer-INVITE-CALM-INTO/dp/B0C47TV5HR/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3IW0HPREIPCAV&keywords=Breath+is+the+answer&qid=1697063465&sprefix=breath+is+the+answer%2Caps%2C150&sr=8-1.

 How do you find your own inspiration? I’ll bet it is not with a club. ONWARD! Pause – invite calm and inspiration into YOUR life.

Sela Blue and the First Day of School by Alisia Dale*

Habits sneak up on us; that is their job! I tell students this and they are shocked. But, it is the truth. For this reason our best friend is developing a keen sense of awareness. By being conscious and aware, we can more quickly be aware when a habit is knocking at the door and by pausing we have the opportunity to close that door and say NO to that habit.

Recently I have participated in conversations centered around our handling this strange phenomonon called “sheltering in place.” The Novel Corona Virus is roaring across our country and we are being asked to pretty much stay home except for essential chores/appointments. Such is life during this pandemic. More conversations have centered around businesses and how they have piovoted to maintain their client base than the mental-emotional affect of being isolated. This aspect of our existence has been discussed less. Few of us are accustomed to being home, isolated all day every day, for months. At this point we have been sheltered at home more or less 4 months. Several observations: it is strange not to have some place to go, one day runs into another. Is it the weekend or Monday or Thursday? Does it matter? Have I missed an online meeting? For many, of course, there are worries about health, finances, etc. I find my mood rises and falls like waves coming in to shore, sometimes slow and steady and often fast and frenetic. I feel as if all I do is figure out what meal comes next and what will it be. Many days I neither see nor speak to anyone other than my husband and dog. Social media is the only bridge of communication to the outside world. The highlights of the week are zoom calls.

Back to the question of habits and our responses to them. What are the habits I find creeping in? As an introvert, I am mostly just fine with all this alone time. I grew up alone and I always find activities and projects. I am comfortable. BUT, thereIn lies one of my problems. Experience has shown that I am not really OK being in such stark isolation. The habit, my inclination to  hibernate. The more I am in isolation the more reluctant I am to go out or to “do” anything or seek social interaction; the mental/emotional spiral heads south, Then, what! Habit #2: I notice my  habitual response to being with friends and colleagues comes with a rush of adrenaline and energy. Of course, this is not necessarily bad, but definitely requires awareness to pull that reaction back to a more reasonable level. It means spending more time listening and consciously enjoying the stories  and opinions of others. I have noticed over the years, that people who are alone and single, often talk lots and do not tend to listen. It is all so easy to let these habits creep into the present with our isolation. A topic of conversation recently, in a group, was the value of listening and waiting to respond, of pausing before making a response.

As we continue onward through what will likely be more months of isolation, becoming aware of how the isolations affects each of us is important. Practicing the habit of pausing, exhaling, breathing at least once before responding, during these times, is especially important. We build a new habitual response of pausing, we calm our nervous systems, and we say no to any annoying habit that might be sneaking in the door. Stay safe and remember to Pause/Exhale/Breathe! We will get through this. ONWARD!!!

* The beautiful book Sela Blue and the First Day of School is available at www.selablue.com

THE BUTTERFLY
Moving from Darkness to Light

The state of our troubled world is brought ever more close with the massacre on 14 March 2019, in Christchurch, NZ! No matter whether you are for or against globalization, it is here. Our world becomes smaller and smaller! We feel in our broken hearts and gut the travesties which keep happening not only at home, but around the globe. Words are cheap at times like these. None-the-less, I will continue on with the blog I drafted a week ago. I think it’s message is still relevant and maybe even more important.

Often these days I find myself in a rut with continued thinking about the sorry state of affairs in our country. AND, it has been brought all the more vividly to our collective attention that the emerging hatred and bitterness is rising to the surface worldwide. Personally, as terrifying as these facts are, I realize how important it is for us all to move forward with our thinking and actions to counterbalance the evil. As someone mentioned today, the social media and internet which has brought many of us together, worldwide, in positive ways, has served those who wish others harm to thrive as well.

Pause! There is much good that happens daily. History informs us about many acts of heroism, people caring for each other through natural disasters, wars, etc. There are numerous examples in our own country of neighbors stepping up to help when disaster strikes. I certainly have been guilty of cynically thinking the worst of fellow human beings. Yet, if I stop to think and stop myself from reacting negatively, I realize  people I know personally, are good, caring people and they do not fit into the dismal evil box. I can hear the Universe speaking above the cacophony of noise and notice the beauty surrounding me, if I allow it. This noticing of good is not just being a Pollyanna, but is opening myself up to see beauty and thus curate the ability to move forward positively and create more of that in our world. A few days ago I was reading about a book club whose members were reading Michelle Obama’s book Becoming. The group entered a contest and won a visit to one of their meetings by Michelle Obama. The meeting settled into an honest exchange of questions and answers. Finally a member asked for her thoughts on the state of our country, with all the hate and racism. There were no journalists or extra officials at the meeting, only a couple members of her staff. Her answer was this, paraphrased, “what you see and hear on the news is NOT America”. She explained that she had been traveling all across the country and her observations were of an America where people care deeply about their neighbors and want the same for their families and friends. My experience, traveling to other countries, states and communities has been the same. Recently we came across an interesting documentary TV series on Netflix, The Kindness Diaries. The series stars a former stockbroker, Leon Logothesis, who has traveled the world with no money and who relied only on the kindness of strangers for food, shelter, and gas; he accepted no money and listened to people’s stories. His goal was to demonstrate that human beings are kind, the world over. Time and again he found this to be true and came to the conclusion that those with the least give the most.

I have to believe that these stories are the Universe giving me/us hope for the future. Yes, I STOP frequently and let breath renew my tired, disillusioned self. It is a constant challenge to not be bogged down by the barrage of news. Another message came to me via a fortune cookie. Some of my most valuable messages come via fortune cookies, and why not? “Angels are among us; when you find them cherish their presence everyday.” Stop Exhale Breathe! Embrace and seek those angels who walk among us. I listen for and hear the Universe speaking! ONWARD!

Sunset at Moss Beach, CA

Every morning around 7:30, 5 days a week, I get into our car and drive out of our garage to carpool. Because we live in a condo and the garage is below the building, at the gate there is a parking attendant sitting in a small booth. Each day we greet each other with a smile and a wave. In the two years we have lived in this building I have interacted with her person-to-person perhaps 2 times. Never-the-less, every morning I look forward to seeing her and miss her if I am earlier or if she is on holiday. The smiles and waves may seem like small things in a day, but they are huge to me. That was my thought as I drove out this morning and again when I returned. How fortunate I felt to have those small moments of caring and sharing.

Such is the value of a single smile of kindness and caring. In our ever so busy and stressful lives this is a gift worth handing out plentifully. As we go through our day lets take the time to pause and remember the value of that single smile. The smile you give has the power to change someone’s day. Pause-Exhale-Breathe! Remember, it is the little things that have the power to bring change.

ONWARD!

Winter at Multnomah Falls, OR

OK, the first sentence of this blog, which I drafted several weeks ago, was this: “as we start a New Year I plan to write  more regularly.” It is pretty obvious that I have already not moved forward in this area. For longer than I wish to admit, projects, large and small, have been lying dormant on my desk.  I admit, sadly, major distractions in the world have been my excuse. I would sit down to write and not have anything to say! Well, I had lots to say, but I was pretty sure no one would want to hear me or read my ranting. Then December arrived and our Golden puppy died. Just like that! One day he stopped eating and a week later he was gone. Needless-to-say, lots of time since has involved thinking about and being sad about him.

I woke up one morning with him on my mind and sadness again swallowed me. As I was remembering Tobey, I also could hear the voice of my college voice/singing teacher, Carl Gutekunst, “Never lean on a weakness.” He declared often that he never “leaned on a weakness.” He was in his mid-70’s and had never missed his trip from New York City to Ithaca, New York due to sickness or weather; he traveled to teach at Ithaca College two days each week, from September through May. Tobey had been gone just about a month and I was still finding myself in despair whenever I would think of him. Now I am realizing that the time has come to NOT “lean on this weakness.” It is time to begin a new practice of recognizing the grief, of saying hello to it and then stopping, exhaling, and breathing as the wave passes. It is inevitable there will be many of these moments in the weeks and months to come. Each of us has a vocabulary we use to pardon ourselves from situations and challenges. Not leaning on a weakness can become an important phrase in that vocabulary. By recognizing the behavior, it is possible to stop, to become unstuck and to finally move on.

I received a marvelous calendar for Christmas; it is one of those where one page tears off each day to reveal some meaningful thought to ponder or do that day. These daily invitations are inspirational and practical ideas which can motivate  and keep me from  being enveloped in grief, or giving way to the challenges before me.  This week check in with yourself and determine if you are leaning on some kind of weakness which is holding you back from moving forward. Pause-Exhale-Breathe! Move on!

ONWARD-2019

]]> http://breathistheanswer.com/what-lean-on-a-weakness/feed/ 0 http://breathistheanswer.com/a-lesson-in-exuberance/ http://breathistheanswer.com/a-lesson-in-exuberance/#comments Fri, 21 Dec 2018 23:56:01 +0000 http://breathistheanswer.com/?p=3235

Tobey and Caroling Ornament.

Earlier this week would have been my friend Hyacinth’s 79th birthday. I miss so much about her and I am thankful that I had some time to know her. I smile as I remember the first time we met. We went to the Roanoke, VA airport to meet her and Nelson  when they arrived from Toronto when our children, Delia and Kevin, were to be married, May 2000. What was impressive was that Hyacinth did not come with just any luggage. She also arrived with a huge box containing cooking pots to create what would be my first taste of her delicious curry. She took no chances that the University guest-housing kitchen would have the proper pots to accomplish the task. The next day, my husband was recruited to help her search all the grocery stores in Blacksburg, VA for proper ingredients. In the following years whenever she came to visit the pot would again be filled with her wonderful curry. Hyacinth was also an avid sports fan; seeing and hearing her watch a baseball game on television was something to remember. She and my mother had that in common, neither of them were passive observers; I smile remembering. What I miss most is picking up the phone and hearing her voice on the other end of the line. She always called on our birthdays and often at other times, just because.

Holidays are hard for many of us as we miss those who are gone, for me, especially my Mother. She as I have written often, loved Christmas. Every year I struggle a bit as I try to achieve her level of excitement for the holiday. This year has been particularly difficult because of feeling devastated at the sudden loss of our dear Golden “puppy”. Remembering the beautiful energy of Hyacinth, the joyful spirit of my Mother, and the exuberance of Tobey, I know they all would not allow the indulgence of too many tears or a long period of moping. Surprisingly, this afternoon the sun has emerged. Hyacinth, my Mom, and Tobey remind me that the sun will shine again and each moment is precious. Enjoy each day! Happy Holidays and Happy 2019 to come.

For this moment, I pause, I remember, and am thankful. I exhale and I breath! ONWARD!

Japanese Garden, Portland, OR

Several events in the past couple of months have stopped me in my tracks and pushed me to reconsider how I am going to spend the rest of my life. I started thinking about this more after the death of one of my dearest friends. He lived a long and very productive life, but losing him has been a reminder that life goes by quickly; we do not have forever. It is so easy to get caught up in day-to-day drama and think there is always tomorrow. Tomorrow is not promised!

Not long after I lost my dear friend, we had that week of losing famous people by suicide. My heart has been heavy at the loss of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade, all in one week!!! I think with the heaviness of world and national news, many of us are feeling less than wonderful. Suicidal? Maybe not, but in these dark times, I think many of us are experiencing heavy hearts. I certainly am.

Lost by suicide: My uncle. The brother of a high school friend. Two of my students, one successful, the other recovered. The father of a friend. A college sorority sister. It is ALWAYS a shock. Mental illness is no joke.

Please check in with your friends and family members. Listen and observe. Talk and listen to your children and their friends. I know when I am in a down period, I only want to hide, see no one and talk to no one. Asking for help would never happen; I know I need help, but… This is why my STOP-EXHALE-BREATHE campaign/instructions are for myself as much as for those who read them. The suicides in the past couple of months are a reminder that we need to be vigilant in caring for those around us and in caring for ourselves.

Stop Exhale Breathe and ONWARD!

Fortune Cookie

In general, I have felt a bit more hopeful the past couple of weeks. I am not that sure if my hope is well-founded or folly.The world’s political climate is still a mess. However, the truth of it is that denying that mess is certainly folly, but stopping to look at circumstances that give hope has huge value. I am thankful for my Alexander Technique practice and it’s profound contribution to my ability to pause and chose calm and hope rather than chaos.

Recently I attended a live interview with the author, Ta Nehisi Coates. I came away with several important and memorable points. He is obviously a gifted writer and thinker. His conversation addressed the current political climate and our racist society.  We Were Eight Years in Power: An American Tragedy is his most recent book and the reason for this visit and interview. He talked about the historical significance of 8 years in power, 8 years occurring after the civil war during reconstruction and the other, the 8 Obama years. It is easy to see how the struggles of minorities and women in America, boil down to power, the white-man’s fear of the loss of that power. Right here is the time to Stop-Exhale-Breathe! Just think about that truth as you pause. Still Coates, in spite of all this history and current turmoil, remains optimistic, amazingly. As a history buff, he reminded us that our country is still very young. What he said next was the zinger! He said, (paraphrase) “it is a fact that none of our lives will end well. It is unlikely we who are alive now will see significant, to us, change.” He then concluded, “what is important is what we do between now and that end, in that very short time.” We circle back to the importance of living in the moment and following the process. Well-meaning people frequently ask him what they can do. His right-on answer is, “do what you do best and approach the struggle from that place.” The power of hope and the process keep motivating us to move forward towards the light and the dream, one step at a time.

How does my practice of Alexander’s work fit into all this? In the positive moments I am aware and thankful; in the hard, messy times, of which we are having plenty, I am able to stop, exhale, and breathe through those black moments. I do my best to continue moving forward toward the positive light. We all must! ONWARD!

Grey Clouds/Blue Sky

It seems that storms, clouds, sunshine, and rainbows, pretty much sum up what life is about, with rainbows being the promise of better things to come. I was sitting here with my back to the windows, eating a popsicle and letting my mind drift. Sometimes the best moments of enlightenment come at moments like these. Popsicles have become my favorite refresher during warm weather, after exercise, or just because. I was sitting here thinking and enjoying my treat and this popped into my consciousness. “What would Hyacinth do?” From when we first met in 2000, she has been the one with wise, no-nonsense words. I cannot exactly hear her at this moment but, thankfully, I surely feel her close by. We all have been experiencing the stress of natural disasters, hurricanes, floods, mass shootings, and firestorms in Northern California. I would guess that these disasters have personally touched each of us in one way or another, whether we have friends or family in those areas, we are living there, or we are feeling bombarded with the news and photos. It is hard to wrap one’s brain around so  many who are suffering. I have felt overwhelmed and keep attempting to cope. All these horrific events bring home the fact that our worldly goods are not so important and we must prioritize what is, family, friends, and health. And, we must go on…

While I feel and see the sunshine coming through the window behind me, in the distance I watch dark grey clouds collecting; I wonder about the resulting weather. Still, the grey clouds move onward. The sun and rain exist at the same time. Sitting in my corner of the world I see both, to the Northeast I see the grey advancing; to the Southeast, I see lots of blue sky. I am aware I can choose to be overwhelmed with the threatening clouds or be inspired by the sun and blue sky. I have a choice. So, in this moment I will be thankful for both. Perhaps this is a reminder that there exists the stormy darkness, hurricanes, mass shootings and fires, yet at the same time, we can stop and see the blue sky persisting. Voilà! There it is to the north! At last, blue sky is peaking through, behind the dark grey.

We must plow onward! These calamities are not under our control, but the attitudes we embrace and take with us into the world are choices we can make. Again, I Stop, Exhale, and Breathe into making a difference in the here and now.

Then, the rainbow appeared. ONWARD!

Rainbow After Storm

Portland Intnational Rose Garden

This is a perfect fall day. Looking out onto the plaza below I stop, exhale, breathe, and am thankful for the sunshine and beauty about. Everything looks so peaceful, both inside and out. I hear the clang of the light-rail train as it leaves the station. I allow my breath to return again. Just the thought of its returning makes it so. As I sit and think about the beauty of my immediate surroundings it is easy, in this moment, to avoid thinking about the hurricanes’ ravage on Houston, Florida, the Caribbean, and  the world’s deplorable political climate. I almost feel guilty for enjoying this moment of peace. Yet, I realize that to not recognize the beauty and kindnesses in our world is to pave the road towards cynicism. The definition of cynical is as follows: to be bitterly or sneeringly distrustful, contemptuous, or pessimistic. WHOA! Stop and read that definition again as I just did. Reading it the third time, I monitor the feelings that come up when I speak the words, sneeringly, distrustful, contemptuous, and pessimistic. What did I observe? I held my breath. I could feel my shoulders tensing. In truth, I certainly do not want to be mired in any of the qualities that occupy cynicism.

After this little exercise, my thoughts turned to my mother who in one week’s time will have been gone 12 years. My immediate thought was, “no matter what, as long as I am alive and breathing, I will still be my mother’s little girl.” I smile thinking of that. My mother lived through so much heart break in her life, World War II and the loss of two brothers, loss of her husband at a young age, to mention just 3 major life events. Of course, she was also alive and attuned to the Cold War with the Soviet Union, Viet Nam, Watergate, Iraq, and so much more. The point is, I never saw her fold to cynicism, discouragement and sadness, yes, but never cynicism.

Reflecting on my own view of the world today, I admit to being drawn towards the dark side of cynicism and pessimism. That said, it is days like today, when the sun in shining and all looks peaceful that I, and all of us, must stop, exhale, and allow the breath to refresh us. We must grasp the ray of opptimism inherent in this beauty; yes, we can do this.

I continue to look out the windows to the plaza below. I see a man struggling with his walker and jacket and people riding bicycles across the square. I hear a bit of traffic out the open balcony door. My wish is that we all can and will grasp a moment of peace; pause  and renew your optimism for the days ahead, on this beautiful fall day. ONWARD!