St. John’s Bridge-rain
Thoughts about embracing change, feeling OK in one’s own skin, and inhibition (stopping) drifted into my consciousness the other morning. I wondered if these random thoughts were related.
That morning was typically Portland, Oregon, very fickle! We had sprinkles, sun, dark grey skies; I was sure there would be more changes coming. Especially in Oregon, embracing the changing weather probably is a good strategy, but somehow, I did not think my thoughts about embracing change were about weather. I expected those three early morning thoughts were more connected to a dilemma with which I was wrestling. I needed to come up with a reasonable solution and act on it.
My first thought, as I paused, was to question my own reaction to the situation. Was my aversion because I was rejecting change and resistant to entering newer, more effective practices? Was I afraid to make a decision because of my fear of not being liked? Was I just being stubborn and wanting my own way? These were all possibilities, but I wanted to discover more. Feeling such strong aversion is not normal for me. After some time of reflection, I realized that I was feeling a bit insignificant and as though I did not matter as a person in this situation. I felt very much like I was just another faceless person in the client-chain. The more I thought about that, the more the idea resonated. For me, quality relationships, business and personal, are of premier importance; caring about people, and seeing, actually seeing, the person across the table are essential business practices. Finally, I knew I could respond in an appropriate manner and be true to my self.
Inhibition (stopping) and feeling OK in one’s skin, as always, played important roles in the decision-making. By being aware and pausing, I gave myself time to sit back and separate from my initial reaction, my initial aversion. I kept revisiting that aversion, waited, listened to my own thoughts and noticed the breath holding and resulting tensing of muscles. I questioned my own intention and recognized my need to feel liked, not necessarily a productive characteristic. In the end, I came round to hearing my own authentic voice which said I had a choice about how I would ultimately respond. At that point, I felt comfortable in my own skin, my own truth, my own voice: the direction I needed to move in this dilemma became clear. Refreshing breath came pouring back, breath holding stopped, and tension released.
Stop-Listen-Choose-Onward!