Lately I have been returning to being more conscious about my fascination with the connection between the work of FM Alexander and how we handle emotions.
While camping last summer in the quiet of a forest-like setting in Welches, Oregon very close to Mt. Hood, I continued to contemplate emotions and our reaction to them, particularly depression. The death of the genius actor and comedian Robin Williams brought to the fore that skeleton in the closet, depression and mental illness in general. Not long before his tragic death, there had been lots in the news about a Mother of two young children who had been found dead by her own choice. All too often we hear about gunmen shooting in public places, killing the occupants and then themselves; many, the authorities and the public, blame it on mental illness or depression.
It seems to me it is so easy for those who have not experienced depression or some other form of mental illness to say “if only there weren’t such a stigma, if only everyone had access to medication, if only one had asked for help, if only…” Obviously Robin Williams had access to medication and health insurance. But, the solution is not so easy as just taking one’s medicine or even recognizing that one needs medication in the first place. The demon called mental illness is not easily tamed; the game changes constantly. Even in cases where one has access to medication, the needs change and are often very difficult to regulate. As well, it is not uncommon for the person taking the medications to feel “I am OK now, I don’t need medication” and stop taking it. The cycle then starts all over again; no case can ever be the same and respond the same to treatment.
Kay Redfield Jamison authored a most informative and very important book, An Unquiet Mind, a Memoire of Mood and Madness. It includes personal stories of her own experience and also historical reference to others who have suffered. I highly recommend reading this. It is a wonderful reference, especially for those who have mental health problems, their family members and those who work with this population.
I continue to feel so much sadness that mental illness has taken yet another genius from out midst. We can hope that Robin Williams’ death has helped initiate conversations which might never have begun. For me, his death has brought home the realization and recognition of how fine the line is that keeps those of us who suffer some form of depression from entering that never ending spiral into darkness resulting in self-affliction.
The sun shines through the trees and the sky is a gorgeous blue. All I see is a cloudless sky and brightness, the very opposite of that black tunnel. Once again I stop, become aware of the light and move forward letting the breath of life renew.